sex scandals continue to function as amusing Weapons of Mass Distraction
from ongoing Republican fiscal, diplomatic and military fiascos.
An intriguingly large portion of these scandals are gay, or, lest
we offend those members of the Gay Old Party who prefer to define
themselves as "not gay," let us say that they are "homoerotic."
all of those GOP public servants caught in the homoerotic act
are screamingly homophobic. They also tend to be religious, often
active religious leaders with wives and families and huge constituencies
who speak out against same-sex marriage and express very little
political tolerance for their openly gay brethren-in-desire.
Man in the Mens Room, Idaho Senator Larry Craig. He is,
he assures us, "not gay." And who are we to insist he
is? After all, he could be bi. The soon-to-be former Senator has
got three kids, all adopted from his wifes first marriage.
These adult children spoke "seriously" with Craig who
stood firm on his position that he was "not gay," and
they believed him, at least enough to go on the talk shows, in
hopes of salvaging their stepdad's considerable pension from the
toilet. Craig's tap-dance with the cop takes this scandal-in-the-loo
from tragedy to farce, and oh how the rabble loves a farce.
Then theres former New Life Church Pastor Ted Haggard. Hes
also "not gay." At least, he has been pronounced, by
his counselor/minister Tim Ralph, to be "completely heterosexual,"
which is, technically, even more "not gay" than "not gay." Pastor
Ted does seem to have provided the sperm for his five kids. But
his sexual relationship with male escort Mike Jones, as described
in the book "I Had to Say Something: The Art of Ted Haggard's
Fall," was way too hot to simply cool down, at least not
was the quintessential hypocrite, preaching that homosexual acts
were condemned by God even as he was committing them with a hooker,
while snorting meth and grinning that big scary grin. But I must
admit, Pastor Ted is so crazily charismatic and so flamboyantly
gay, that I'm kind of hoping he "repents" by just admitting he's
bisexual (or whatever he wants to call himself). Then his wife
can say she's bi too, and then they'll both say being gay or bi
is okay with God, and then they'll start a massive mega-church
for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, trannies and alt sex lovers in
Boulder, Colorado. This could happen! If only...
of these closet cases are
powerful men with sensitive souls
leading double lives... Closet gay
overcompensation virtually ejaculates
over the top when these
tortured men channel their fear
of being sissies into reckless
military adventure and expenditure.
Congressman Mark Foley was also "not gay," at least in the sense
that most normal gay adults are not trolling for teenagers. Foley
and Craig were both sacrificed on the altar of Republican purity.
They were expendable liabilities that the GOP shed, like Agamemnon
sacrificed Iphigenia for the sake of strong winds to take his
military to war.
the scandals, the winds of war still blow strong in America, under
the reign of King George II, the chickenhawk, crotch-stuffed,
frat boy exhibitionist who appears to be more narcissistic than
gay, bi or straight, but then there are all those unaccounted
overnight stays at the White House for gay-escort-cum-journalist
Jeff Gannon/Jim Guckert. Or was Gannon/Guckert's job to erotically
discipline Karl Rove?
When you consider Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter and Lynn Cheney's
lesbian lit, and, on the darker side, the homoerotic, deeply sadistic
twists of all that Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib POW Porn, overseen
and often micromanaged right down to the womens underwear
by wrestling addict Donald Rumsfeld, the whole Bush Crime Family
seems as divinely gay and "not gay" as Christmas at Liberace's,
or Ernst Rohm's.
gays or even closet gays. Some of my closest relatives, friends
and favorite people are gay, and some of my best telephone sex
therapy clients are closet gays. Of course, the closet gays tend
to be the ones who say they're "not gay." And who am I to say
that they are? Many of them have decent or even great sex with
their wives or girlfriends. But their desire for some sort of
carnal knowledge of the same gender occasionally and almost irresistibly
asserts itself in various ways, at least in their minds, if not
their actions. Their "sexual orientation" is complicated, much
more complex than labels like "gay," or "not gay," "straight,"
"homosexual," "heterosexual" or even "bisexual" can
you want to stay in the closet,
that's your business. And believe me,
I cherish and uphold your right
to privacy, gay or "not gay."
But please don't become a
public "servant," to punish the
closeted side of yourself, as well as
a lot of other people.
Some of these
closet cases are powerful men with sensitive souls leading double
lives. Some are hypocrites at the lowest rungs of the ethical
ladder, overcompensating for their agonizing discomfort with their
own desires for same-sex relations, their own tortured "gayness,"
by attempting to punish and humiliate openly gay people. Closet
gay overcompensation virtually ejaculates over the top when these
tortured men channel their fear of being sissies into reckless
military adventure and expenditure.
As more and
more stories of furtive man-to-man lust gush forth from our highest
offices in the land, it becomes clear that a vast deeply closeted
gay "conservative," usually (but not always) Republican network
of political and religious leaders has held our nation in its
sexual self-hating sadomasochistic thrall for some time. The twist
on this Old Boys Network is that they don't actually have sex
with each other (they prefer pageboys and hot Tearoom studs),
but they do cooperate intimately when it comes to making "muscular"
military policies that put other peoples loved ones in harms
way while flying the flag of some macho ideal.
If you want
to stay in the closet, that's your business. And believe me, I
cherish and uphold your right to privacy, gay or "not gay." But
please don't become a public "servant," to punish the closeted
side of yourself, as well as a lot of other people.
what about the fact that Dick Cheney's phone number is listed
numerous times on the DC Madam's phone bill? Is the major media
refusing to touch that because it's just "straight" sex? After
all, Louisiana Senator David Vitter was only spanked, not sacrificed.
Or is it because this Dick is just too big to expose?
Susan Block is a sex educator, cultural commentator, host
of The Dr. Susan Block Show and author of The 10 Commandments
of Pleasure. Visit her website at http://www.drsusanblock.com
or visit her brand new bloggamy and post comments at
Send all comments, love letters, hate mail, questions, confessions,
endorsements, enticements and testimonials to her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Read other articles by Dr Susan Block
(click on the balls):
Hookergate II: The Senator And The Veep
Cheney And The DC Madam's Cookie Jar
Madam Julia's Big Black Book Of Cheesy Republican Sex Acts
Gods Of Spring
Resist The Urge To Surge!
Baghdad Cockfight Ends In Snuff Film
God Has Sex, Makes Big Box Office
Life, Death And Cartoons
Pack Your Bags, George.
America Wants A Divorce!
Peeping Tom In The Bush
Between Pleasure And Violence
Our Night Of Weimar Love
Family Values Means Family First And Screw The Community
It Always Rains In California: All About Female Ejaculation
Springtime For Sex And God
The bigO Can Be Yours
Bush's P.O.W. Porn