comic relief in a Democrappy Congress that doesn't have the filibustering
balls to Just Say No to Perma-War or the wit or wisdom to impeach
the Bush Crime Family for their multiple murderous atrocities...
Brothers & Sisters, Lovers & Sinners, please put your
hands together for Republican Senator David Vitter of the Great
State of Louisiana, caught with his hand in D.C. Madam Deborah
Jeane Palfrey's delicious yummy cookie jar.
with being exposed by investigative hypocrite-hunter Larry Flynt
who found the conservative southern junior senator's phone number
(he used his own phone?) on Palfrey's notorious DC John List,
Vitter shrewdly decided to go ahead and expose himself, issuing
a press release confessing to "a very serious sin in my past for
which I am, of course, completely responsible... Several years
ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife
in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family,
I will keep my discussion of the matter there - with God and them.
But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have
disappointed and let down in any way".
Vitter were not such a rabid social conservative, I would say
leave the poor sorry schmuck alone with his God, his wife and
his hookers. But this particular poor sorry schmuck is mightily
trying to impose harsh, inhumane restrictions upon the sexual
freedoms and rights to privacy of the rest of us, and he's been
doing it for years.
In the back
alleys of the French Quarter, Vitter might be a tomcat, but in
Congress, he's a vociferous crusader for "family values." He was
an aggressive Clinton critic during the Lewinsky scandal, calling
for the President's resignation to "preserve the moral fabric
of the country." The New Orleans Times-Picayune quotes Vitter
saying that "infidelity, divorce, and deadbeat dads contribute
to the breakdown of tradition." Vitter has also vowed to outlaw
abortion in almost all cases, even when the pregnancy results
from rape or incest (wonder how he'd feel if he learned he's knocked
up one of his hookers?).
Senator Dave is a stern master with the kids too; he's sponsored
legislation to federally finance abstinence-only programs at the
expense of real sex education. Of course, "abstinence education"
has been proven to be spectacularly ineffective, in part because
the kids simply lie about whether they're having sex, having learned
this behavior handily from their elders like Vitter.
has been particularly colorful in his metaphor for same-sex unions,
having called them "the crossroads where Katrina meets Rita,"
gaily mocking the agony of his own home state in the wake of the
actual hurricanes. Vitter is so vehement in his condemnation of
all things homo that he has introduced legislation calling for
a Constitutional Amendment to ban gay marriage, stating that this
is "the most important issue" of our time.
course, "abstinence education"
has been proven to be spectacularly
ineffective, in part because
the kids simply lie about whether
they're having sex, having learned
this behavior handily
from their elders like Vitter.
like an Evangelical, but he's Catholic. He's also Southern regional
campaign manager for the Giuliani campaign and was rumored to
frequent French Quarter prostitutes even before his phone number
appeared on Palfrey's published records).
Interestingly, Vitter first ran for Congress to fill the seat
of Speaker of the House Bob Livingston, who resigned after
his extramarital affairs became public during the Clinton
Follies. While Vitter was campaigning, his wife Wendy was asked
what she would do if her husband cheated on her. Mrs. Vitter responded:
"I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary. If he does something
like that, I'm walking away with one thing, and it's not alimony,
one of Wendy's prerequisites for the "forgiveness" that Vitter
said she (and God) gave him when he confessed to his "very serious
any case, chalk another one up for the DC Madam catching another
fairly big fish: a U.S. Senator. Of course, she's already caught
and pan-fried former U.S. Deputy Secretary of State Randall L.
Tobias who likened procuring one of Palfrey's Pamela Martin &
Associates' call-girls to ordering pizza.
there's that even bigger fish, possibly the biggest fish of them
all, certainly the biggest Dick, and I'm not talking about the
size of his genitalia. That's right, back in mid-May, you read
in this bloggamy that the Vice (as in "criminal") President may
patronize prostitutes. When he was CEO of Halliburton he maintained
a residence off Chain Bridge Road in the Ballantrae neighborhood
in McLean, Virginia, which had a phone number that appears numerous
times on the DC Madam's John List.
the thought of the creepy Veep having any kind of sex is like
something out of Abu Ghraib, we all know that tales of illicit
sex wake up the sleeping populace, while this atrocious illegal
war, the loss of civil liberties and all of Cheney's other crimes
barely seem to disturb the Great American Slumber Party. Thus
the mainstream media, who are the real hookers to this Dick and
his government/corporate cronies, has kept this story fairly under
wraps for the past couple of months.
news is breaking. Apparently, the phone records are confirmed
to be Cheney's. It's just a question of whether he got the blowjobs
(or whatever) himself, or he arranged for (i.e., pimped) a little
adult entertainment for "foreign clients." Whether this Dick is
a John or a Pimp, he broke the law that he is so adamant about
everybody else obeying. Will he defend himself by asserting that
"the vice presidency is a unique office that is neither a part
of the executive branch nor a part of the legislative branch,"
and is therefore exempt from rules governing either?
of you who know me know, I believe the law should be changed,
and prostitution should be decriminalized. But in the meantime,
I don't see why we bloggamists shouldn't continue to hold this
Dick's balls to the fire. What he may have done with the Pamela
Martin gals (or guys) is no big deal. Who cares what this half-dead
man did with his pallid little pecker (or for his "foreign clients"'
more news is breaking.
Apparently, the phone records
are confirmed to be Cheney's.
It's just a question of
whether he got the
blowjobs (or whatever) himself,
or he arranged for (i.e., pimped)
a little adult entertainment
for "foreign clients."
this is the dick of Dick Cheney, Evil Puppet-Master of the Fascist
Perma-War Universe, Voldemort-like Chickenhawk Slaughterer of
the Innocents, aimlessly shooting at hapless civilians, from children
in Iraq to his own hunting buddy in the woods. The war crimes
he has committed cry out for some kind of justice, and if a little
sex is needed to get Americans to Wake Up and Smell the Criminality,
so be it. .
I do hope that Palfrey's attorney, Montgomery Blair Sibley, subpoenas
Vitter, Tobias and, especially Cheney to testify on the DC Madam's
behalf that her gals didn't have sexual intercourse with their
clients. Even if nobody gets impeached, it would be a hoot to
see Dick get his balls fried on the witness stand.
there's the matter of The List. As of this bloggamy, you can find
Madam's John List right online. Just download the records
and see if your phone number is on it! Or maybe your spouse's
phone number? Or your Congressman's phone number. AT&T: Your
World. Delivered. And consider this: Right now, many of America's
ethics-minded young people are combing those records, thinking
they want to be like hypocrite-nabbing superhero Larry Flynt.
some of my fellow bloggamists will complain because I've gone
after the two Republicans, Vitter and Cheney, caught in sex scandals
this week, but not my very own Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa who
has admitted to having a romantic affair with sultry Telemundo
TV newswoman and politician fetishist Mirthala Salinas.
not just because I think Mayor V is kind of cute (come to the
Speakeasy, Tony, bring a bottle of wine and some take-out; we'll
have fun!). It's because 1) he didn't break any laws that he,
as a government official, is sworn to enforce and abide by, and
2) he has never, to my knowledge, supported legislation to impose
restrictions on the consensual sex lives of the people he governs.
In other words, he might be a lousy husband, but he's not a hypocrite.
Cheney, Vitter and Tobias have done all of that and worse.
seems to be an integral aspect of Republican Family Values-Spouting
Neo-Con-Artist Sexuality. So can we now just quit beating around
the professional bush and call all Republican politicians by their
rightful first name: John?
the Dems don't cheat on their spouses too; they just don't tend
to like paying for it. They're cheap and sexually lazy, so they
go for readily available interns that already work for them for
free and/or the TV reporters that interview them (the interview
is the foreplay). It might be crass (and cheap!), but it's not
necessarily hypocritical. Of course, there are exceptions on both
sides. But my friends who are hookers confirm that Republicans
are the biggest spenders, perhaps because they have the kinkier
desires and yes, because hypocrisy is expensive.
sexual hypocrisy is perhaps best exemplified by the case of Pastor
Ted Haggard, gay john and anti-gay evangelical preacher, as well
as major fundraiser for the Bush Crime Family. Then there's that
page-loving Congressman Foley (he didn't go to hookers because
they tend to be above his age range). Then there's former Congressman
Duke Cunningham and the war profiteers' hookers-and-poker parties.
And we're still wondering which White House resident enjoyed the
services of Jeff Gannon, a.k.a. Jim Guckert, male prostitute specializing
in military fetishes (Dubya, take your pants off, put your boots
on, get down on your knees and put my gun in your mouth. Hooah!).
all got problems. And they're all welcome to call me for one free
hour of sex therapy. I'd consider it my patriotic duty to help
America's politicians deal with their sexuality.
Susan Block is a sex educator, cultural commentator, host
of The Dr. Susan Block Show and author of The 10 Commandments
of Pleasure. Visit her website at http://www.drsusanblock.com
or visit her brand new bloggamy and post comments at
Send all comments, love letters, hate mail, questions, confessions,
endorsements, enticements and testimonials to her at email@example.com.
Read other articles by Dr Susan Block
(click on the balls):
Cheney And The DC Madam's Cookie Jar
Madam Julia's Big Black Book Of Cheesy Republican Sex Acts
Gods Of Spring
Resist The Urge To Surge!
Baghdad Cockfight Ends In Snuff Film
God Has Sex, Makes Big Box Office
Life, Death And Cartoons
Pack Your Bags, George.
America Wants A Divorce!
Peeping Tom In The Bush
Between Pleasure And Violence
Our Night Of Weimar Love
Family Values Means Family First And Screw The Community
It Always Rains In California: All About Female Ejaculation
Springtime For Sex And God
The bigO Can Be Yours
Bush's P.O.W. Porn