ASIAN VALUES DVD REVIEW
many erotic films at Shaw Bros, the name Chen Ping alone is enough
to draw in the crowds. In Take Care, Your Majesty (1983), Chen
does enough with her walk-on role for her to either remove her
blouse or to have her blouse ripped off to satisfy her audience.
is another Li Han-hsiang movie made up of three separate stories.
opening segment, Women In The Sacks, is about sex slavery in China.
The governor has a number of abducted women to be sold off. Each
of them is covered up in a sack and the men seeking wives pay
40 taels to try their luck in the lucky draw.
in one of those roles where he isn't playing a villain, is unlucky
in love after having been cheated by conwoman Chen Ping and her
partner (veteran actress) Cheng Siu Ping. After getting some come-hither
looks from Chen, Ku Feng had entered into her room just as she
was removing her clothes. The incident resulted in Ku Feng being
blackmailed into a scam marriage and loss of money.
things will improve, Ku enters the "lucky draw" and gets a young
and demure prize. Meanwhile Wang Yu (of Spiritual Boxer fame)
ends up with elderly Wang Lai. However, the elderly Wang is kind
enough to switch place with the young girl for what is a happily-ever-after
may be the longest among the three segments, Women In The Sacks
has very little sex or nudity (save the Chen Ping sequence and
a very brief shot of a topless girl emerging from a sack). If
the audience were disappointed, their patience was rewarded with
the next two segments.
story, Through The Telescope, has Shaw regular Tin Ching (who
is usually kind of fey) as a peeping tom. Perched in a tall building,
Tin spies Chan Shen having steamy sex with Tsui Fa in a brothel.
In a secluded garden, a group of girls strip one of their members
before throwing her into the pond. The girls then remove their
clothes and everyone ends up having a gay time in the water. In
this instance, who cares about narrative drive when all the action
one needs is on screen?
Ching next spies old official Li Pang-fei (old-time Cantonese
actor) reading a copy of Sex And Zen. His housekeeper encourages
Li, who is recently widowed, to either remarry or take on a female
companion and he has just the person in mind - Chen Ping. In an
expanded version of the earlier sequence, the elderly Li falls
for Chen and forces himself on her. The furthest he got was to
tear the blouse off Chen before he is confronted by Chen's guardian.
The result is another monetary windfall for Chen and a scam marriage
story, from which the film takes its title, is about the sex education
of the emperor. Before he ascends the throne and assumes his kingly
duties, the young emperor has to be taught the ways of the world,
in this case, how to have sex with women. Carefully-selected young
women are taught several surefire sex techniques and four are
chosen to initiate the emperor into manhood (so to speak).
Pang-fei (left) and Chen Ping.
As the emperor
enjoys the sex so much, he wants more of it. But there is a limit
to what he can do, especially when his minder keeps shouting,
"Take care, your majesty." Tired of the close scrutiny and the
lack of the free form sex he would like to have (for instance,
the court's sex slaves - one is hard put to come up with a better
term - are taught they must never be on top of the emperor), the
emperor ventures into the city incognito and, needless to say,
catches something unsavoury apart from the eyes of his women.
Han-hsiang erotic movie has its memorable moment. Here, it's that
extraordinary sequence which must have brought the house down
where the court sex slaves are instructed to strip and, like sex
gymnasts, perform in full nudity, their routine of sex techniques
- dragon flip, tiger pace, monkey style, cicada clench, tortoise
leap, phoenix wheeling, rabbit sucking, fish scaling and stork
"necking." Let's just say the scene would have been that much
more enjoyable had they taken the trouble to find more full-bodied
either using leftover shots from Li's Emperor Chien Loong/Empress
Dowager movies, this last segment also has a sumptuous look -
especially the palace exteriors - and some witty writing - the
narrator's rhyming voiceover and how the emperor, being a "supreme
being," can never have a woman on top of him. Even the way the
crafty Chan Shen gets out of paying for the services of the prostitute
is fine comedy. It also looks as if Chan Shen has the best role
in the movie - he is only onscreen to have sex with the women,
one of whom is a Caucasian.
Your Majesty is not usually listed among Li Han-hsiang's better-made
films nor is it commonly cited among his erotic oeuvre. But there
are enough bare bosoms and buttocks to keep folks occupied for
a pleasant afternoon and that the film is not silly comes as a
Take Care, Your Majesty (IVL/Celestial) is only available on VCD
and is banned in $ingapore.