Having difficulty sleeping? Keep waking up in the middle of the night expecting to shout "Goal"? Now that Euro 2008 is over, yet you are still suffering from football withdrawal? Here's Sik Hok Min's Sexy Soccer to keep you occupied. Stephen Tan reviews.


THE ASIAN VALUES VCD REVIEW

Among other things, Asians are also seen as diehard gamblers. And when you put gambling and soccer, one of Asia's favourite sports, together, sparks are bound to fly. Rolando (which in Cantonese sounds like Old Big-time Gambler) manages a losing football team. His recent defeat also costs his triad boss several thousand dollars and Rolando has to make good the loss.

At the football grounds, he sees a girl jogging, and with her bouncy breasts, he comes up with the idea of putting girls in his team. The plan is simple. Have the girls distract the men in the opposing team and get the goal in the meantime. But first, he has to round up enough girls to make up his team.


Unlike his European counterparts who seem to have so much difficulty landing a player of, say, Cristiano Ronaldo's calibre, the Hongkong Rolando has no such problems. He promises the girls wealth and a certain amount of glamour. To him, why not parade your assets in front of thousands (at a game) instead of jogging and tantalising in front of a few at the park? The girls not only agree and warm up to Rolando but some even end up in bed with him, not that he minds (even if he seems to already have a girlfrend).

The first game inevitably goes Rolando's way, but it is the opposing team that draws first blood. Not to be outplayed, the girls shasay, not weave, their way through the park. When that does not work, it's time for some shirt pulling. That is, the girls simply pull up their tops - which should stop any red-blooded men in their tracks. Since the referee did not blow for foul play, the girls easily slotted in a couple of goals to win their match.


Before the decider, Rolando tries to get the opposing manager drunk in order to reveal her team tactics. But he gets drunk instead and spills the beans. During the match, the girls' pull-and-grind show prove disastrous and they end up trailing behind. During the halftime break, Rolando realises that the opposing team is made up of gay men! So he switches tactic. Instead of showing their tops, the girls show their bottoms...

Shot on a very low budget, Sexy Soccer is released direct-to-video (DVD in this case) and has generated enough interest that even Amazon.com stocks a version from Discoteck Media. Most of the girls look like they come from Mailand China - they speak accented Cantonese - and all seem looking for that fast break. Director Sik Hok Min is no Wong Jing who at least can make a movie that is deliciously nonsensical. Here, everything is played straight, with no wink-wink, nudge-nudge at all. But it certainly has enough nudity and bump-and-grind to rival any Japanese pink film.

Note: The Sexy Soccer (City Connection) DVD is banned in $ingapore.


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July 1, 2007








 

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